From the department of “say it ain’t so”: the wonderful backwaters of Maryland brings us this story of teh stupid in action:
A kindergarten student was accused earlier this month of sexually harassing a classmate at Lincolnshire Elementary School, an accusation that will remain on his record until he moves to middle school.”
He’s five years old. Let’s consider that for a second. Five. Sexual harassment? I think not. Inappropriate? Sure, probably, as is kicking and biting and shoving and stealing blocks and hogging the crayons and knocking over the other kids’ tower. But not according to the administrators at Lincolnshire Elementary School:
It’s important to understand a child may not realize that what he or she is doing may be considered sexual harassment, but if it fits under the definition, then it is, under the state’s guidelines.
So says Carol Mowen, spokeswoman for the public schools. Mowen also makes it quite clear that it’s not just somebody else’s stupid rule that the school has to enforce. According to her, “School officials consider a student’s age and the specific action when determining what administrative action to take.” So, a school official (we may assume that’s Lincolnshire Principal Darlene Teach) actually sat down and thought: “Hm. Five year old boy, huh… pinched a girl on the butt, huh? Well, I guess he was trying to make a pass at her and get to second base, so let’s slap him with a sexual harassment charge.”
Mowen then brings the full stupidity of the situation front-and-center as she decides to describe the incident as a “learning opportunity,” according to the Hagerstown Herald-Mail that first broke this story. I guess the lesson is: “little boy, you have boogers with higher IQs than the people who rule your world. Get used to it.”
Elsewhere, Principal Teach (no, really, that’s her name) responded to the question: “What will help ensure a successful school year?” with the following profound insight: “Please talk with your child everyday about what they learned.” The father of the boy who is now marked as a sex offender says he doesn’t know what to say to his kid. I mean, how does the conversation go?
“So, what’d you learn today, kiddo?”
“Not sure, Dad. What does ‘sexual harassment’ mean?”
“Uhm, well, son, you know when a guy tries to… well, let me put it this way… uhm… why don’t we let your mother explain later…”